Praise the lord and everything mighty, it is sweatpants season again. I have a thing for sweatpants. The amount of details they give away. So inspiring. If I see a stranger with sweatpants, it’s like Christmas for me.
Many worth mentioning sweatpants moments in my life. But the best one has to be this. I was on the train once, and there was this young lad across me standing up wearing red sweatpants. He had the biggest bulge ever. Imagine a bowl of cereals. It was that big. With curves and all. I could not believe my eyes. And as he was scrolling down his phone, he grabs his tool as one does, and arranges it in another position. And oh my god. The bowl becomes a cucumber. A massive, thick, veiny cucumber. It was so detailed, so overwhelming. I couldn’t hide my excitement, my face could not. And I turned my head around, questioning reality, and there was this other guy on the right side of the sweatpants moments, with the exact same expression as me. He looked at me and moved his lips “what the fuck?!”
“I know, right?!”
The gifted lad left the train in the next stop.
“My faith in humanity is now restored” said the other guy. And we laughed. He winked goodbye as he was leaving the train and I felt like we belonged in the same cult. And there I was, standing alone trying to cover my now swollen bulge. Thank god I was not the one wearing sweatpants.